when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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