i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
