Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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