He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
