Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize