If that was your dad, he is hot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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