Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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