Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
