do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize