I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
