Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
