Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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