Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
