i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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