K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize