Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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