yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The struggles of a small town man whore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
