is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
