I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
