the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
