She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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