She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
