Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
