He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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