WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
