I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
