so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I will pee on everything he values.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
