Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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