You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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