2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
