im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
