so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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