Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
