make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
