Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
