saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
