We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
