You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
