I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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