Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
