eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
