dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
