why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
