this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
