my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
