If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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