is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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