nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
