I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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