I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
