be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize