dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
