On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
