Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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