those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
