So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
