I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
