i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
