You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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