JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
