So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dicks are not precious.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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