His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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