She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
