Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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