me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
