I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
barbara walters just said penis...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
