omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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