do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
