she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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