i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
