Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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