grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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