I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
