Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
