at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
