Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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