I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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