shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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