Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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