is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
