Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
