just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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