thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
