Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
