It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
