I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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