You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
